Thursday, September 6, 2012

Gibberish, American Style

A (soon to be ex-) Facebook friend of mine put this up tonight:

My least favorite and most favorite moments in TV both relate to the same real life moment. That would be the moment that the US government decided that their own personal agenda was more important than passing a simple statement that allowed our country to continue running with our constant sense of unending spend. That was the extreme right that caused a panic that at best allowed some righty buddies to sell short and at worst destroyed the world's faith in a country that is still cocky enough to believes its the greatest. Why would I vote for one or the other? Left has been in for 4 years and yes that is not enough time when you have an entire congress majority that is strictly there to keep you from doing your job. Do I agree with the ideas? No, not fiscally, but like I said 4 years ago when Palin came in, its a better of two morons. It takes more than one mistake to turn me off, but McCain was everything I wanted in a president until he ran for the position. Who cares, I just bored and another worthless American with no real effect on the election, especially since I have more understanding of fiscal responsibility than the jack ass that some how represents my vote in the presidential election. Its not 1781, I have a clue about the candidates and would have more if they would stop fighting like sorority girls and discuss their positions on real issues.

1) The "TV moment" is never clearly identified.
2) What does "sense of unending spend" mean? How can one have a sense of (participle)(verb)? An adjectival verb cannot modify another verb. This is perhaps the most grammatically confusing thing I have ever read.
3) What panic? And sell short on what?
3.5) Also, I don't think the extreme right's plan to "sell short" on...whatever it is is what destroyed the world's faith in America. (Largely because I don't know that the world put a ton of faith in America to begin with, but that's another debate).
4) The sentence that ends with "...cocky enough to believes its the greatest" contains two grammatical errors.
5) Why is he referring to the Democratic party as "Left?" Few elected officials stray from the center in this country. Also, what a stupid metonym. He doesn't even bother with "The left." LAZY.
6) "..its a better of two morons" confuses which article should be used (THE better... would make far more sense) and again contains a grammatical mistake. Ironically, this is in a passage where he is supposedly making himself out as the intellectual superior of these people by calling them morons.
7) "Who cares, I just bored and another worthless American..." is a lame attempt at self-deprecation as litotes about the importance of his beliefs and is also at LEAST one word shy of being an actual sentence. 
8) "...I have more understanding of fiscal responsibility than the jack ass that some how represents my vote in the presidential election." Yowza...okay, by subpoints:
     a) The fact that you can balance a personal budget and manage your finances does not mean you understand macroeconomics. They function in entirely separate ways. Not spending all your money at the beginning of the month doesn't qualify you to speak on national fiscal policy in a world with a rapidly changing economy. "Responsibility" is one of the biggest canards in politics right now. Personal responsibility has nothing to do with running a country in the macro sense.
     b) What the hell does "represents my vote" mean? I would give him the benefit of the doubt that he's talking about electors if the rest of this paragraph weren't a jumble of incoherent nonsense. Either he's insulting a presidential candidate (who is, regardless of party, almost certainly smarter than him) or an elector of whom he has no knowledge and likely never will.
     c) "Somehow" is one word.
9) "Its not 1781, I have a clue about the candidates and would have more if they would stop fighting like sorority girls and discuss their positions on real issues." Again, by subpoints:
     a) 1781? What the fuck? The first presidential election was in 1788. They didn't immediately hold elections after the Battle of Yorktown wrapped up.
     b) Also, why were people in 1781 ill informed? They had extensive newspapers and various other methods for transmitting information across the country. It wasn't like America was a group of ostriches with their heads in the sand who just voted by blindly casting lots. Actually, our 24-hour news cycle probably damages the ability of a voter to be informed more than the slower speed of information in the nascent America.
     c) We once again have the it's/its confusion.
     d) We also have a comma splice.
     e) What a great bit of useless misogyny thrown in here for NO FUCKING REASON. The reference to "fighting like sorority girls" doesn't do anything to strengthen the already hopeless stupidity of this screed. It is, on a good day, a tired image thrown out for a cheap laugh. More accurately, it's a worthless comparison designed to attack the candidates by comparing them to women. What a cutting and original insult!!! Heavens to Mergatroid, why does this man not have a cable show?!? Also, just to unpack the he-man woman-hateryness of this a bit more: why is fighting like a sorority girl a bad thing? What is the negative image he's trying to conjure here? Is the idea of two young women fighting somehow more embarrassing than two other types of humans? 
      e) Asking for a discussion on "positions on real issues" is another tired fart of an idea. What an original and refreshing call for clarity in the system!!! That's how it works, bud. They talk a lot and you have to divine from the things they say what's true and what they'll be able to do. That's how politics has always been.
      f) Politics is MUCH more civil and issue-oriented now than it was during the early days of the American nation. Unless you consider attacks on the moral fiber of a candidate's wife to be insightful into a man's fitness for office.

I don't ask that people share my beliefs. I do, however, ask that they KNOW WHAT THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT AND WRITE LIKE A HUMAN ADULT. Proofreading isn't hard! (I also didn't even mention that "most favorite" is the type of redundancy you hear from a toddler asking for ice cream). Also, here's a question: what is the point of this person's idiocy? IMPOSSIBLE TO TELL!

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